TO SUFFER WITH YOU AND LIKE YOU HAVE

Our blessing-cup is a communion with the Blood of Christ. - 1 Cor 10:16
“I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done..., you should also do." - Jn 13:15

Dear Jesus,

It’s Holy Thursday again.
I know that you’ve been waiting to wash my feet,
Will you be sad if I tell you
That I do not want you to wash my feet tonight?

It has been a challenging year.
I’m hurt that you hadn’t responded to my cries.
I know that you love me.
I know that you are here with me.
But when things become unbearable,
I don’t want to just KNOW,
I want to FEEL your loving embrace.
Why do you withhold this from me?
You just stood there
And watched me suffered.

I don’t understand, Jesus.
You said that I am your beloved.
How then
Do you stand there
And do nothing
While your “beloved” struggles?
Do my tears not move you, Jesus,
To want to come closer,
To wrap me in your loving embrace,
To comfort and take away these pain
And fill my heart with hope and joy?

I feel alone and abandoned.
In my anguish,
I cried.

You came,
Not a word,
Not even a sound
And wrapped me in your loving arms.
You rocked me and kissed me on my forehead
And sang to me a familiar lullaby,
“Little Maddie,
I love you so very much.
When you struggled in pain,
I wasn’t just there,
I was in you
Experiencing our pain with you.
Have you forgotten already
That your sufferings
Do not belong to just you?
They belong to us.
Never forget that, my little one
And never forget
That I so love you dearly.”

I fell asleep in your loving arms.
When I woke
A new energy arose in me.

Thank you, Jesus,
For reminding me
Of your tender presence and love.
I’m sorry
For being angry with you
For  doubting your compassionate love
For boasting that I alone suffered.

I changed my mind, Jesus.
Will you wash my feet tonight,
And cleanse me from my sins?
Remind me of your humble love.
Take away my arrogant heart
And replace it with yours.
Help me to follow you more closely,
Especially when things get tough.
Help me to always remember
To keep my focus on you
As you kept yours fixed on our Father
Help me to plead in loving trust as you had pleaded,
“Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me;
yet not My will, but Yours be done." - Lk 22:42

Your beloved,
Maddie

 

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