UNHURRIED TRANSFORMATION
“The people who sit in darkness have seen a great light…” - Mt. 4:12-17, 23-25
Winter is a lesson about the fine art of loss and growth. It invites us to slow down and trust the unhurried rhythms of transformation, allowing it to unfold in its own time and believing this angst will not last forever. The poetry of this season sometimes hides in the shadows. The extended darkness of our inner winter can be an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and our relationship with God.
Today, we continue to celebrate the mysteries of Christmas. We learn how Jesus devoted himself tirelessly to bring healing and light to places where it may seem inconceivable. He only asks for our trust that we will be shown little pieces of light along the way, enough vision to sustain our strength as we receive the unwelcomed parts of our lives and endure the blurry dimness of our current situation. True skin-shedding can transpire if we examine and evaluate the life we knew and the person we thought we were by preparing our hearts, minds, and path to become more compassionate beings.
After experiencing the loss of a miscarriage, I gradually moved through the place of “in-between,” which contained agonizing silence and painful hollowness and found restored peace of mind and heart to lean on the Compassionate One who embraces me even when I did not sense His presence at times. I knew then I could carry my desolation and find a way out of it. If I wanted to know God more intimately, I must be willing to sit in the darkness, consumed by my longing, to leap courageously into the well-of-unknowing. This reality convinced me I could live through the dark experiences and not be completely overcome. I embraced that grief has no expiration date. For as long as there is love, there will be grief, and that is okay.
Any darkness can call, push, nudge, and urge us onto the path of inner growth. I am now a mother whose eyes well up when I think of my angel or talk about my miscarriage. But I can talk about it. And that is what I find beautiful, because I would never want this angel forgotten. He or she will always be my favorite “what-if.”
Lord, help me to show up, listen, and love so I could be a source of healing for others.
Tam Lontok