AND THE ANGEL(S) APPEAR
The words rang, “Do not be afraid.” - Luke 1:30
The handmaid of the Lord, our beloved Mother Mary, was frightened. She was troubled. In my life, quite recently, I’ve also felt frightened and troubled. I am walking through one of the driest deserts I’ve ever walked in my spiritual life. This desert was formed greatly by my own actions, resulting in me being rudely awakened to my own sinfulness. In retrospect, I needed this. The fact is I still do.
My own sense of pride and self-righteousness blinded me from acknowledging my sinfulness. I thought as long as I have good intentions, only God can judge. Good intentions would rid me of the responsibility for the consequences of my actions.
C.S. Lewis states, “Pride is the mother of all sins.”
In the past few months, I’ve hurt people. I’ve distanced myself from loved ones. I’ve loved and I’ve lost and reacted thoughtlessly–inconsiderately. I made mistakes that no intention could excuse. I began to realize I was sinful…that I am sinful. And how could God love a sinner like me?
And that was the grace.
I realized I needed Him.
During my 30-day silent retreat back in November of 2020 as a novice, I meditated on Jesus carrying the cross. I remember thinking, “That’s not my cross. I could carry it. I work out–it doesn’t look that heavy.” Little did I know, I didn’t realize the full weight of it. It wasn’t until recently that God allowed me to feel more of its weight.
And I buckled. Hard.
God calls me, and each and every one of us, to do some terrifying things in our lives. Sometimes, we will need encouragement. Sometimes, we will have doubts. Sometimes, we will have to go through our own deserts to realize how much we need Him. But as Gabriel says, “For nothing will be impossible for God, (Lk 1:37).
So my dear friends in Christ, trust in the slow, good work of the Lord, even–but especially–during the deserts.
I’m on the path of making up for my mistakes, reconciling with my brothers and sisters, and coming out of this desert stronger and more self-aware than ever. The angels in my life–the Gabriels–appear and remind me not to be afraid.
May we continue to live with the same faith and courage that our Beloved Mother had despite her fears and doubts. May the angels in our lives continue to provide us the encouragement so that we may carry out what God firmly calls us to do. All for the greater glory of God.
Can I get an AMEN?!
Anh Nguyen
Photo credit: De Annunciatie aan Maria [Lukas 1:26-38]. RKDimages, Kunstwerknummer 14494.