OVERWHELMED BY CHOICE, REASSURED BY FAITH
“Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home. For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” - Matthew 1:20-21
Have you ever stood at the supermarket, staring at all the different choices and prices, and weighing whether you really needed something? I take that to an extreme. I will stare at an item and the price tag before I leave empty-handed despite standing 10 minutes in the aisle, deciding the easiest choice would be to not buy anything. It is one thing I dislike about myself. I marinate over decisions for an inordinate amount of time before giving up. Even after the fact, my choice would still haunt me.
St. Joseph and Mary handle choices in remarkably different ways, yet they are truly two halves of a whole. I admire and aspire to Mary’s fiat, her pure trust in God’s will. Mary trusted in God’s promise to her, even in upending her life and knowing the pain and hardship she would go through. Unfortunately, true to my saint namesake, I am more like St. Joseph in today’s Gospel, mired by logic and overthinking over faith, and choosing the path of least resistance over instantly trusting God. But just as God’s grace allowed Mary to say yes to God’s messenger Gabriel, God’s grace also came in the form of an angel reassuring Joseph to take Mary into his home. And together, they gave us the greatest gift of all in Jesus.
In reflecting on this year, I realized all my choices had God’s reassuring presence behind it. He comforted me as I agonized over my choices and its consequences. Perhaps a little less so in my shopping choices, but every time I wanted to give up and walk away, God’s grace would gently push me to make the difficult decision, commit, and then trust in Him to handle the rest. Life will continue, just as it had in the past and will in the future. And whether the result was good or bad, God would still be by my side and help me face whatever else life threw at me. His reassurance is the greatest gift and empowers me to continue choosing.
Ironically as I am writing this, I struggle with the words and worry whether it will help anyone. I write and rewrite sentences going through countless drafts in my attempt to convey my thoughts. But I trust God to guide my hands and guide you, in whatever choices you may face. May God reassure you that whatever you may choose, He will be there too.
Kevin Nguyen