GRACE GIVEN, NOT EARNED
“I am the LORD, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’” - Isaiah 41:13
Each time I feel like I can breathe a little bit financially, something completely unexpected happens and I’m suddenly dropping $700 on a flat tire. While this may seem like a minor, even trivial expense for some, it’s a huge blow to a small business where every dollar earned is assigned to a credit card or utility bill, a business cost, or contribution to household expenses. I knew that owning my own business would have its challenges, and I didn’t expect anything to come easily, but I had hoped and prayed that it wouldn’t be so hard; yet over the past four years, it’s been just that – hard – and I feel like all I’ve prayed for is help. God must be so sick of me, I often think.
But today’s first reading says, “I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”
In my prayers I have indeed felt fear; not of having my prayers unanswered, but fear that God will grow tired of my constant requests, my constant struggle with His timing, my constant doubt that I am still His beloved daughter when I often feel like a whiny brat. I know in my heart that my struggles are not for naught. He has a reason. I KNOW IT. And I pray harder, even when there’s nothing but sadness and resentment in my prayers. I’ve done everything He’s asked of me, I often say to myself – serve here, serve there, sacrifice this, sacrifice that, love Him, love others, love yourself, etc. It still never felt enough. And I realized that that is where the concern lies – I pray for help but feel like I have to WORK to deserve the help. I view help as a reward and not as God’s grace, freely and lovingly given simply because I asked, and no matter how many times I ask.
In this season of Advent, let us prepare to receive God’s help in whatever way and frequency we pray for it. He asks that we go to Him first, that it is His hand we reach out for, that it is His hand we willingly and fearlessly grasp.
Anna Gonda