OH, BROTHER!
“…whoever does not love a brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” - 1 Jn. 4:20
Barely over a week into Advent, my brother and I were having a knock-down, drag-out fight. It was the kind of teeth-clenched, name-hurling, no-holds-barred argument we had perfected when we were 12. It was about…does it even matter? We each knew we were right…and righteously let the other know it!
Only, I’m not 12. In fact, I am a long ways from 12. And, I’m a long ways from my brother who lives across the country. We rarely see each other and seldom get to talk. And here we were, having a sibling argument over the phone. How could I be fighting with someone with whom I barely have an adult relationship?
As an adult, I’ve believed I could make my own family. When I moved away from home and again after I divorced, I found a place in others’ families. I’ve been fortunate to have been included not only during the holidays, but also in the intimacy that is the mess of family life…bedtimes, prayers, meltdowns, welcoming new life, illness, grieving, fighting “like family.” I’ve loved and been loved by these friends who have become family, my brothers and sisters in Christ.
And yet, here I was, faced with my own shortcomings in my actual, real-life, God-given sibling relationship. A friend once told me she believed that family life was the “crucible” of human development. Feeling this pain, I asked Christ to help me die to my need to be heard and understood and appreciated and instead extend a generous and listening heart to my brother. A few days later, we did speak again and repaired somewhat. There is still healing to be done.
Lord, help me love my brother whom I can see. Give me the grace to extend generosity and forgiveness in my family relationships, be they chosen or given. Help me to mend the youngest of wounds. And, help me to Love not only as I can, but as You do.
Vicki Lord