Believing Is Seeing
“Do you believe in the Son of Man?” – Jn 9:35
For much of my life, I’ve struggled with being not _______ enough. Not good enough, smart enough, accomplished enough, popular enough, productive enough, holy enough. The list goes on. And yet, this compulsive striving to be enough makes me blind to who I truly am. It hinders my deeper desire to become the person God dreams me to be.
Seeing the gradual liberation of the blind man in today’s Gospel gives me hope. His encounter with Jesus frees him from physical and spiritual blindness. First, he is able to see physically, despite his conditions from birth. Then, he is freed from the religious regulation imposed by Pharisaical laws, as well as the spiritual untruth that his condition is a punishment for sin. Moreover, he is freed to place his trust in Jesus, who is the true light by which we are able to truly see ourselves and our neighbor. Slowly, he shifts from the paradigm of “I’ll believe it when I see it” to one which affirms “I’ll see it when I believe it.” He becomes a more genuine disciple as he believes in Jesus’ loving and freeing care more than relying on his own sense of worthiness or performance.
St. Ignatius of Loyola wrote a prayer for the end of his Spiritual Exercises called the Suscipe. For years, I have earnestly prayed the words, “Give me only your love and your grace, that is enough for me”, focusing on the phrase, “that is enough for me.” As I’m continually taught to accept my limitations and weaknesses, to embrace my blindness, my mind and heart shift to God’s love and God’s grace. Jesus’ question to the blind man, “Do you believe in me?”, strikes at heart of faith. At times, I can honestly reply like him, “I do believe, Lord.” There are also times when I find myself responding, “I am blind, Lord. Help me with my unbelief.” I’m finding these are more life-giving ways to relate to God and to see who I truly am.
With regards to faith, if we don’t believe it, we will never see it.
Lord, help me to be open, honest, and vulnerable when I rely on myself and to ask for the grace to believe in you.
David Romero, SJ