Exchanging Guilt for Love
"Return, O Israel, to the LORD, your God; you have collapsed through your guilt. Take with you words, and return to the LORD" -Hosea 14:2-3
My dad fainted a few weeks ago, so I accompanied him to the ER. As I waited for him to return from x-ray, I sat in the waiting room and thought, if God were to take dad tonight, what did you even give him in life, Anna? No grandkids to love, no son-in-law to bond with after a lifetime in a house full of women; not even a financially comfortable lifestyle.Overwhelming guilt soon arrived and made itself right at home.
I am a Filipino eldest daughter who was raised Catholic, so guilt is a frequent visitor in my life (though resident is more like it). As I’ve gotten older, its presence has become more disruptive and hurtful, which has led me to often crippling resentment and unforgiveness towards others, and most of all towards myself. Feelings of unworthiness follow, which makes it difficult for me to receive and accept kindness and mercy. I have experienced abysmal sadness from this guilt, but force myself to keep life moving, which is to say – I just wallow in it.
In today’s reading, we are reminded of how heavy guilt is to carry; so heavy that we often collapse under its weight. But we are also reminded to not only let go of our guilt, but to offer it to the Lord. In our desire for healing, we are invited to go to the Healer. “’I will heal their defection,’ says the LORD, ‘I will love them freely for my wrath is turned away from them.’” (Hosea 14:5). For our penitence, God offers us His mercy; for our unworthiness, God offers us His grace; for our unfaithfulness, God offers us His love…over and over again.
In this Lenten season, we are invited to deepen our faith, deepen our connection with and love for God, and learn of His love for us.
Is there any guilt you are being invited to hand over? Anything you are being called to offer, to experience God’s mercy and love?
Anna Gonda