I Have Ruled You, Guilty
I’m very sensitive to being judged. As a gay Catholic, I often feel like I have to prepare myself for whatever people might throw my way. In one form or another, I expect that I will likely always be judged, whether by certain people in the Church or even by those within the LGBT community. Carrying that expectation can be exhausting, as if you are always bracing yourself for the next blow before it even comes.
Yet the irony is that, as much as I dislike being judged by others, I often find myself doing the same to almost everyone else. When I meet someone, I sometimes decide, before they even have the chance to say anything, what this person must be like. Before they can even do anything, I may have already declared them anathema in my own mind.
In many ways, this has been a defense mechanism. It can feel safer to judge others before they can judge you, to build walls rather than letting people see the vulnerable parts of you. After all, they cannot judge me if I have already decided their opinion does not matter. Yet while this may feel like protection, it can quietly close the door to grace. Looking back, I realize I have probably lost meaningful relationships because I wrote people off too quickly.
When I began to recognize this, I finally faced the deeper hurt and shame that shaped these defenses and invited the Lord into them. Slowly, He began to change the way I saw others, and I realized something humbling. I am not the only one who is wounded. We all carry burdens, crosses that are not always visible, but rather than condemning, Jesus asks us to show mercy, the very same mercy He offered even to those who condemned Him.
During this Lent, how can we become more mindful of the assumptions we make about others, and remain open to the encounters God places before us, learning bit by bit to see others through His eyes?
Darren Huang