HELP MY UNBELIEF
“When they heard that he was alive and had been seen by her, they did not believe.”
Sparked by my own curiosity and a recommendation by a friend, I jumped on the Catholic bandwagon and started watching ‘The Chosen’. If you haven’t heard about it or haven’t seen it, it’s a series about Jesus’s life through the eyes of those who knew Him. Okay, truth is, I’ve only watched the very first episode (so maybe not exactly the bandwagon), but in the first episode, we meet Mary Magdalene and the way that she was portrayed, gave me a brief glimpse into a life of a woman riddled with trauma and pain – and if you haven’t seen this episode yet, I won’t spoil it, but her encounter with Jesus was incredibly moving.
The stories we hear of Mary Magdalene, tell the story of a woman who in those times was considered ‘dirty’ and ‘cursed by God’ – possessed by demons, this woman of the town was not a person to be trusted, clearly she wasn’t favored by God and for that, she was shunned, pushed to the margins. And yet, Jesus befriended her, called her by her name, affirmed her dignity – and that compassion He offered, created a great disciple and friend.
In today’s Gospel, we hear the story of Mary Magdalene meeting Jesus after His resurrection. She had already been one of the first to discover Jesus was no longer in the tomb and in this encounter, He appears to her and tells her to go and let the apostles know that He is alive. As I put myself into this scene, I imagine Mary sprinting back to her friends and excitedly shouting ‘JESUS IS ALIVE!!’ and the hurt she experiences is palpable, when they ignored her and didn’t trust her. I’d venture to say, Mary’s hurt maybe felt as if the demons that Jesus cast out of her, had returned, she was once again ‘dirty’ and untrustworthy. I can see her downward gaze as the joy she felt seeing Jesus was quickly extinguished by their unbelief. Here she was amongst friends – and they didn’t even acknowledge her truth?
How many times have I missed the truth even when it practically smacked me in the face? For me, it’s easy to “know” God in my mind, but that journey to my heart is often met with unbelief, especially in this last year. Yes, my brain knows that God is good and because we were all created in His image, we were also intrinsically good too, but my heart still doubts. Despite the incredible good works all around me and the abundant blessings I have, I still struggle like the apostles and sometimes don’t believe that Jesus is alive. I don’t believe in my own goodness.
This Gospel is the gut punch to remind us that Jesus is ALIVE – and we too, must “go into the world and proclaim the Gospel to every creature.”
In those moments of doubt, pray with Audrey Assad’s ‘Help My Unbelief’ and sit with the lyrics “I know, I know and I believe You are the Lord.”
Lord, help my unbelief.
Natalie Nathan