"Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see...” – Lk. 24:38-39
Change is difficult for me.
In the past six months I’ve felt this struggle in many ways – a job change, family moving away, new friendships. A part of me sees these different moments as loss, strain, and discomfort. Transformation that I am reluctant to embrace. Countless times I have found myself questioning if the process to discover God’s dream for my life is worth the struggle.
And as I prayed with these scriptures, I was moved to place myself once again among the troubled disciples, each struggling to understand their changing reality. As Christ spoke to my heart, I was both taken aback by His desire for intimacy but also drawn to experience it more fully. As one who tends to write in verse, I couldn’t help but express it:
His eyes offer the invitation
before the silence surrenders to his voice
the words ease themselves tenderly around
my questions, subduing them
fear melts into the reality of salvation made flesh,
at my fingertips
eager for relief to overwhelm,
I grasp for the wounds offered me
I find the place where
destruction met Glory,
and blood hallowed wood by its scent
His scars whisper the story of broken things:
the oil jar,
our hearts the night he knelt to wash us,
Love begging fearlessly
to touch our weakness
a touch to make us fearless in return,
begging to love as he did
His steady gaze sinks truth into my irises,
breaking me into wholeness,
piece by peace
an unleash of praise,
a kiss for the kiss
that broke Him.
I am realizing, slowly, that these struggles are actually invitations to adventure and to know Christ’s intense love for me. That the reality opening up before me is filled with depth and beauty I have yet to explore. That these changes that touch my life are worth the incredible moments of touching Him.
Lord, as this Easter season continues, help me accept your invitations to change, recognizing that in them I will discover deeper intimacy, peace, and joy.