“What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?” – Mt. 26:15
During this Lent, one word that has stood out to me and has been constant in my daily reflections is the word “detachment.” The readings during Holy Week have caused me to reflect more deeply on my own sins and faults, especially the Gospel reading today. I constantly ask myself these questions: “Is there anything that I place above God? What do I need to further detach myself from that prevents me from loving and following God completely with all my heart, mind and soul?”
One of the difficulties and virtues I continually work on is trust. I have been abandoned and mistreated by people whom I trusted and loved. Sometimes I still feel the pain and ache of what has happened. Things that have happened to me are not anything that I would wish upon another person. I wanted to be with people who I loved and who loved me in return. I asked for nothing more. Last year, I was betrayed by someone who was once important in my life. Rather than responding in hatred and anger, I had time to self-reflect and realized the hurt and pain that they went through when they became aware of the pain that they inflicted on me. The moment after that person realized how much pain they inflicted onto me, they were immersed by guilt and was trying to seek ways to be forgiven. I had already forgiven them, but it could not take back what had happened or the things that have been said. Is this the feeling that Jesus felt when Judas betrayed Him?
As I read through the first reading and the psalm, I am reminded that when we experience betrayal by other people, rather than responding in vengeance or anger, I need to place trust in God that I will be protected and not be put to shame.
I eventually learned that I can not place other people above God and that I need to trust God above all others. When I trust God, I am less affected. The message of detachment is to be free of what other people do or say to me because I trust God that everything will be okay, even if it involves suffering and betrayal.
Lord, in your great love, answer me, protect me and guide me through the insults and betrayal that I may face.