Getting Out of My Own Way
"“If you, O Lord, mark our iniquities, who can stand?” –Psalm 130:3"
Every teacher has “bits” they gravitate towards. One such turn of phrase from my eighth grade teacher was “make sure you put the accent on the right syllable”. I recall a younger version of myself, hearing today’s Psalm response, with the accent falling on the words “who can stand?” My focus, as I heard it then, was on myself as the object of God’s restraint: mercy holding back the arm of judgement.
My inner monologue . It is important to note that, at least in this moment, my internal monologue sounds like Patrick Warburton:
“Ah yes…the mercy…The mercy for Jason…the mercy to forgive Jason…Jason's mercy.”
That's a lot of focus on me. I know I'm not alone in the experience of trying to “get out of my own way.” In Lent, I can turn myself into a project: a DIY duty to deliver a better, holier me by Good Friday. That me is busy marking all sorts of things. But the accent shifts: God isn't marking any of that. The first reading suggests God is marking me, the whole me. It took me a while to notice when I was busy looking at myself.
When I get out of my way, I see what God is doing. God’s perspective shapes my own. God, through the prophet Ezekiel, reminds me that virtue produces good, as sin/evil produces unhappiness. I recall the old joke: “Patient: Doctor, it hurts when I move my arm like this. Doctor: “Well, stop moving your arm like that.” The “work” of Lent seems lighter, not an onerous DIY slog. “I love you,, don’t hurt yourself.” Put down the poison…the poison for Jason… (I couldn’t resist).
What are your “favorite” sins or intractable temptations? What is “attractive” about the sin you struggle with? Along with God’s forgiveness, what healing is needed from the sin in your life? Have you asked for healing as much as you’ve asked for forgiveness?
Jason Coito