Enduring the Stench
“I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” - Jn 11:25-26
When reading today’s Gospel, two things struck me: Martha’s inner movements and Jesus’ compassionate mercy. When Martha met Jesus, the first thing she says to him is, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
Over the past few years, an enclosing cloud of deep grief has surrounded my husband and I. We were Martha month after month telling God the same thing, “If you had been here my ____ would not have died” – my father-in-law, close friend, aunt, uncle, cousin, first child. How many times have I felt this sentiment in my heart as I prayed lamenting if and only if God had…then things would have been different.
Directly after Martha opens with this, she follows it with, “But even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give you.” This comment and her continued exchange with Jesus were a sign of deep faith and trust in Jesus and his Father. When Jesus announces that He is the resurrection and the life and asks if she believes this, she undoubtedly says yes that she has come to believe. Yet, when they arrive at Lazarus’ tomb and Jesus commands the stone to be rolled away, Martha has a very real moment of doubt. She is concerned about the horrible stench of her brother’s body that has been dead for four days. Her doubt double thinks for a moment – wait, maybe we don’t want to do this.
In my life and prayer, like Martha, I believe and doubt in Jesus. I entrust my life and heart to God and yet I am hesitant to roll back the stone to see what lies behind it. Surely there will be a stench. An intolerable stench of grief that I cannot imagine bearing. I’d rather avoid the smell than trust that whatever is on the other side is worth it.
Yet, Jesus’ compassion and question are merciful reminders of the promise of God’s faithfulness. He didn’t shame Martha for doubting or hesitating. He didn’t tell her to get over it and deal with it. He simply asked a question that reminded her about her deep belief in God. From this place of both doubt and belief, they roll away the stone. Doing so takes a faith that holds enough space for it all - belief, doubt, and choosing to live it out.
At the tomb, Jesus prayed aloud to God the Father for the crowd’s sake, even though he already knew God was with him. This compassionate act helped the crowd believe as he commanded Lazarus to come out of the tomb. Who knows? Maybe Martha was right and Lazarus stunk horribly, but when he arose Jesus commanded that he be unbound and set free. A freedom that might be worth enduring the stench.
Am I willing to “roll back the stone and endure the stench” of my own suffering in order to grow in greater faith and freedom with God?
Jaclyn Guerrero